Scare

 My mom almost died. It has really been impactful for me, and frustrating for me. She almost died and I couldn't do anything or help or even get proper info because she was on the other side of the country visiting my baby brother and his family. My dad was in a big dark depression there and not helpful at all, and not even noticing that she was sick or not eating for 10 days straight... She finally had to be rushed to the hospital by my baby brother, and still not my father. 

She had covid-19 and if she had had it even a couple more days she would have died. My father refuses to let either of them be vaccinated due to his conspiracy theories he believes in. Even now, after she has recovered and could get the vaccine, he still is hardline against it. She almost died. 

I don't understand how someone could risk their family like that. I do everything I can to protect my wife's health despite all her health disorders and conditions and to keep her safe as humanly possible, and my father won't even get a poke in the arm, or let his wife, even if it could save her life in the future. I just can't comprehend that. At all. How do you commit to protecting your family and then be so completely flippant with their lives? How do you make a vow to your wife to be there for her in sickness and in health and not when she needs you most?

I told my father off. I yelled at him. I asked him to explain to me and he did explain the depression, which I hadn't known, so at least there is some sort of reason for him to be so oblivious when she was sick, but at the same time, that doesn't change that none of it should have happened in the first place like it did. The vaccine lowers the symptoms of the pandemic when caught for the victim, and lowers the victim's chance of ending up in the ER by 99%. It doesn't mean you will never catch it, but it does mean you are significantly less likely to suffer any long term harm or even have a really bad illness from it as you would have. 

And even now, after she survived, he still insists she not get it, even though the antibodies from catching it dissipate low enough to catch covid-19 again ever 16 weeks after catching it without being vaccinated. Like study after study shows the information and my father would rather clutch to the idea that Bill Gates put a nanobot in it and that he is trying to use the vaccine to sterilize the population of humanity with it, even though studies show that it is the illness that can cause one to become sterile, and not the vaccine. It is all so completely irrational as far as I can tell and it really upsets me, that someone as precious and kind and sweet as my mom almost died because of the pure willful ignorance of the person who is supposed to love and protect her most. I don't get it. I could never treat my wife with such disregard. Ever.

I told her if she divorces him, which she won't cuz she isn't that way, but she should, and if she did that she wouldn't lose her kids. That we would understand and all love her and support her. She matters. She matters more than some political mumbo jumbo that should have zero baring on whether someone cares about saving other peoples' lives. I am having such a hard time coming to terms with the situation and don't know how to reconcile with my father or this at all. It all feels so wrong, and yet, I have no say. 

My parents were both raised in very conservative ways, and are both traditional in how the household roles go. My mom would never do anything without asking my father for permission, even when he is not stepping up into the supposed role he proclaims is his  God given right, as lead of the family. He isn't being a man. He isn't protecting his loved ones. He isn't sheltering them under his caring. He is outright going against the very thing he insists he is supposed to do. But if only I could somehow convince my mom to do something without his say...

But I can't. I have tried. She won't. I just, feel helpless. And dumbfounded. And scared. I just, would never, ever risk my wife's health like that. I can't imagine how you can be a good person and be willing to. I can't imagine what good thing he thinks he is doing for her instead. He just said he is following his belief. How does that help her? How does that protect her? How does that protect anyone? It certainly doesn't make the world a better place. 

My father thinks he is righteous and God fearing and going to Heaven. He thinks people who aren't like him are hell bound. But as far as I can tell, my father is more bound for hell the more he is convinced he is holy.