Lyl has discovered that having feelings for someone, and they for you, that the mutual attraction is not the same as love. She can accept this, because it is easy to believe that someone could be attracted, and difficult to imagine someone loving her, at this juncture in her confidence. There was a time, when she could not even imagine as much as mutual attraction. Her strength of character makes it easy for her to care, and her habit of blaming herself for wrong makes it hard to accept affection. She is genuinely shocked when another shows empathy, let alone closeness, which is why it means so much to her, and gives her such courage. Her friendship with Ginf makes even the horrors of a strange people who might have made the worst blight on the face of the world and who can wield light as a weapon seem only mere people to be confronted. Lyl, driven by love for her brother and a responsibility to uphold how highly Ginf holds her, steps into the shadows of the Tongues. My book, my copywrite :)
Lyl has finally reconciled what happened to her. Lyl pursued and chose her own sense of closure about it, with her own efforts to be better and to think of those around her, the people who loved her and she loved. By caring about them, she found herself caring for her own sake as well. By being loved, she found love what she yearned to give.
It took time. It took pain. It was not easy. But it was worthwhile. The wound is finally closed over, no longer burning with suffering, twisting every other experience and perception. There is only a memory, and life can finally move on, without thoughts of that moment of her life in the background. Lyl freed herself. Lyl forgave.
Near death experiences make life so appreciated. Nothing feels as bright as opening your eyes when you thought you would never open them again, or makes you more aware of all your surroundings. Likewise, it makes one aware of all wrongs done, all loved ones who have suffered, and the gratitude you owe them. People are precious, and realizing that the person who has wrought them the most harm is yourself is to understand a horrible truth. To repent is not enough. To ask forgiveness will not redeem. One must despise what they were before, when they were deceptive and weak, leeching the life of others. One must be so completely aggrieved that they change. It will send one heading down a different path, with a different motivation for all that is done, and even more, will be the sudden influx of strength that had been thought unimaginable. Shaking her head at old dependencies and mooching, Lyl has finally discarded childish selfishness, understanding the harm her self interest causes those she loves. She has finally stepped into womanhood, in a single moment of clarity, that held all like a clamp.
Lyl has discovered her wild spirit leads her to very scary situations in which she could even possibly lose herself, and yet, the thrill of overcoming, and the delight in her quick mind. She has found pride in her fear, for herself and an understanding of her capabilities, but in being swept up in herself, she forgot about the others in her life, and brought danger to herself and her teacher. Now, to her horror, she has learned how much damage her rash behavior can really cause in a life. Before, people were harmed somewhat by her mistakes, but also, it was in part some outside, uncontrollable force, that wrought havoc for her friends. Henri was ill. Munchin was crazy. Those things were not her fault. This time, she alone had caused the pain in another's life. She was the only reason. And on top of all of this, she now had to be dragged away from her body in a wrenching of panic and pain. It was all too much sensory too quickly. Overwhelmed, Lyl embraces the darkness gladly.
And so Lyl is now encountering a whole new, unimaginable wonder; an experience so rare and amazing that it is on the verge of frightening. She can stare in awe, breath caught, at this new level of understanding because she earned the right to enjoy the privilege. Her willingness to be humble, her eagerness to learn, and her raw talents spurred her past what the average person gets to do, transcending what is normal and finding herself in a wonderland of possibility.
Perhaps daily life may not be the Wilder, but even the mediocre lives of the people pining for more might proceed toward things beyond imagining and places of joy and learning. It all depends on your attitude toward it. Foreign does not mean bad; not in experiences nor with people. The unknown should register as a means to adventure and knowledge, and not drive one toward fear and remaining stagnant.
Lyl finds herself constantly moving forward into new unknowns, glittering with possibility and thrill, and she has finally begun to enjoy the ride instead of dreading the future. Her shift in mindset has brought her beyond the furthest reaches of two worlds now- into the realm of dreams.
Lyl has been confronted about her own self-identity and her values about her self-worth. These are things she has always avoided thinking about, and continues to do so even now. She does not want to know, but the confrontation has been presented, which means that she will have to deal with it in the future, and that knowledge alone is enough for now. Lyl also has reconciled with her friends and now everyone is planning and smiling. There is anticipation for the future, rather than dread. Lyl, in her gladness and excitement, has forgotten the mission, and what fearful unknown trials may lie ahead...
New creatures encountered and something as normal as seasickness can chase even the curious mind from excitement. Having a friend who is still angry with her could also have helped her to decide on the mental fleeing as well. It is especially hard to rectify mistakes when you partially agree with the accusations, and yet, also have someone defending your character. Lyl might have the spirit to fight monstrous creatures and rescue the weak from bad people, but when someone she loves is upset with her, running away is still her first instinct.
